Forbidden Fruit
Oh, bitter Unripe One—
fascinating
on a dull silver Platter of
softly-spoiled Over-Sweet.
Untouchable Safety—
fragile Babe
glimpsed in the Womb
Years before Birth.
Not yet cemented in Purpose—
queued at the Kiln
to refine and set
in Preparation for Sale.
Teasing dewy Eyes—
above which
Locks of shiny Hair still
conceal the Nakedness of your Head.
• • • •
9.4.06
Closed System
I was not raised to need or to be needed.
I am the reason I laugh and I am the reason I cry.
I expect laissez-faire love.
Your ego is not my responsibility.
So why, at my computer late at night,
do I write of dependent bliss
and smile with hopeless anticipation?
• • • •
18.10.06
Sonnet #3
Hold thou, Eidolon! half-flesh, half-dreamt man,
That I may hold thee, and to altar go;
With holy rite join us this sage chaplain
And I, thy rib, my maiden veil o'rthrow.
O'rpass me not, that thou may'st break thy spell
Bestown without thought and fed without care.
Twain bosom Momi we were, then I fell
'Neath fancy; thy verity is th' elixir.
• • • •
28.8.07
Confession #692
I told you what you wanted to hear,
and I ignored what I wanted to say.
• • • •
6.10.07
Dear Jake Barnes,
I wish I could tell you how much I crave you, how I go through withdrawal every time you leave me, and how I stare at my pillow at night worrying about you. I wish I could hold you instead making my back stiff like the wall between us. I wish I could be close to you without hurting you. I wish I were a better person. I wish I knew whether I loved you, or whether I'm like Brett, who "only wanted what she couldn't have."
I know I could be everything you want from a woman, but I don't know whether I should be. I want to solve your problems as your aide-de-camp, your sponsor, your helpmate. I wish life weren't so complicated: I wish I could be yours and you could be mine forever and ever.
Jake's parting words in The Sun also Rises are so like us:
"Oh, Jake," Brett said, "we could have such a damned good time together."
Ahead was a mounted policeman in khaki directing traffic. He raised his baton. The car slowed suddenly pressing Brett against me.
"Yes," I said. "Isn't it pretty to think so?"
Maybe someday I'll get over you, but I'm not sure. I may still wait for you on shores of the sea of glass. You, unknowing unripe one, have part of me.
• • • •
9.9.09
And now, wondering why I cared so much.
People flit across your life like images on a television screen.
They light it up with different shapes and colors and motions,
but then they’re replaced.
In the end the screen is the same black rectangle it always was,
nor will anyone ever know what has danced upon it.
Not a ghost remains.
Once I was enthralled and moved and fascinated by you,
spent sleepless summer nights wondering how you were and whether you would call,
yet I have gone months and months without once thinking of you.
Yesterday someone reminded me of your existence,
and I only felt puzzled.
I’ll probably forget your name soon.
